Home · Conditions · Relationship & Marital Conflict
Conditions we treatSame fight, different week. The thing underneath the thing. The look your partner gives you that used to be tender and now lands like a complaint. We work with the version of conflict that's eroding you — and we have more than one way in.
The way you fight. The things you don't say out loud anymore. The tone that means something different than the words.
One or both partners has started to wonder whether the relationship they're in is the relationship they meant to be in.
Two intelligent adults working in good faith often can't see the cycle from inside. The job of couples therapy is to make it visible.
This page covers how we work with relational conflict — for couples who come in together, and for one partner whose anger has become the loudest signal.
Most couples don't show up in our office because of the loud fights. They show up because of the quiet ones — the dinners that go too still, the version of "fine" that means something different than it used to, the months of small distances that have started to look like a pattern.
Anger is often the most visible signal of a deeper problem in a long relationship: a misalignment of needs, a cycle of pursuit and withdrawal, an old wound that one of you keeps stepping on without meaning to. Naming the cycle is the first piece of the work. Changing it is the rest.
There's a way through the cycle that doesn't require either of you to be the villain. Our take
You can predict, almost word for word, how the next argument will go.
Small things — a tone of voice, a missed text — set off something that feels disproportionate to either of you.
One of you is doing more "managing" than partnering.
Sex has become a barometer for everything else, and the barometer reads low.
You've started keeping things separate — money, calendars, friend groups — that used to feel shared.
You've thought about leaving. You've also thought about staying. Both thoughts feel exhausting.
The kids have noticed.
You've started narrating arguments to other people in your head, looking for someone who'd agree with your side.
There are subjects you've quietly stopped raising because the cost of raising them is higher than carrying them.
We offer two complementary entry points, and many couples use both. The shape of the work depends on what's already happening in the relationship — and on what's safe.
Gottman-method-informed sessions for partners willing to come in together. We focus on the cycle — what each of you does, what each feels in response, where the cycle keeps landing — and we build specific tools for interrupting and repairing.
Often the partner whose anger has been the loudest signal benefits from doing parallel work in our group. Group is rehearsal space — a place to practice the skills in lower-stakes conditions, with witnesses who'll notice if it sounds rehearsed.
For some couples, especially when anger has crossed into intimidation or fear, individual work happens first and couples sessions come later. We assess this carefully on the intake call.
If anyone in the relationship is afraid for their physical safety, that takes priority. Couples counseling is not appropriate when there is active intimate partner violence. We can help you think through the right next step, including referrals to specialized resources. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is at 1-800-799-7233.
Whether you come in individually, as a couple, or both — there's a way through the cycle that doesn't require either of you to be the villain.
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